Ai Haruna is arguably one of — if not 的 — most iconic transgender women in Japan today. So, because her story began decades ago, and given that her memoir was published way back in 2009, one might wonder why it has take so long for her story to be committed to film, with the new 这就是我. However, we are pleased to announce that the wait has been well worth it. Beware some minor spoilers below: if you want to go in blind, watch the movie on Netflix first, then come back to see our thoughts afterwards.
简介
We covered this in our preview piece on 这就是我 这里, but as a quick reminder, our story revolves — at first — around a young Kenji Onishi, a youngster in Osaka who dreams of becoming an idol, but is relentlessly bullied by classmates and faces, at best, antipathy at home. During a moment contemplating the worst one evening, Onishi sees a drag queen on her way to work at the Jordan Pub, where they are soon hired as the newest apprentice and aspiring drag act, and soon makes her debut under the name Ai Haruna.
At the same time, Dr. Koji Wada is a depressed cosmetic surgeon, who left internal medicine some years ago. After his superior doctor sent a patient home with major facial disfiguration, claiming that “the operation was a success. You’re alive,” Dr. Wada realizes that most internal medicine surgeons don’t care about saving lives, only keeping patients breathing. To Dr. Wada, these two concepts are not one and the same.
Through a chance meeting, Haruna and Dr. Wada meet, and after some discussion, Haruna convinces Dr. Wada to perform an orchidectomy, as she is unhappy with her testicles producing male hormones, and her body is undergoing changes that make her deeply unhappy. As time progresses, Haruna’s desires to become a woman become more complex, but Dr. Wada is always able to meet the challenge, and eventually becomes renowned as a skilled gender-affirmation surgeon.
Along the way, the two share highs and lows: Haruna becomes a woman, but her background makes it difficult for her to break through into the world of idols, which she so desperately wants to do. At the same time, while Dr. Wada has more demand from patients than ever before, and has gained a stellar reputation among the transgender community, his actions attract the malign attention of the authorities — which only worsens when, owing to an unavoidable allergy, a patient passes away on the operating table.
The film charts not only their personal growth and friendship, but also the attitudes towards transgender people from the 1980s, all the way to 2009, when Haruna won the Miss International Queen competition in Pattaya, Thailand.
The Japan Gay Guide View
Having anticipated this movie for a long time, we are happy to report that this was an absolute joy to watch. The hardships felt by the young Haruna were heart-wrenching to witness (in particular the school bullying), and so her growth into who she is meant to become is all the more satisfying.
This is paired with the growing acceptance of the people around her, and (in particular) the reveal that her mother has always supported her, but appeared distant because she felt shame for giving birth to Haruna as a boy, knowing that she was a woman the whole time, and so felt sad that she had somehow injured her child by creating them in the wrong body. The two coming together in understanding and forgiveness was a joy to watch.
Haruna’s resilience and growing confidence in the face of continued difficulties thrown up by society, the entertainment industry, and sometimes even her own friends is also deeply inspiring.
A conversation between her and Dr. Wada later in the film, where both are at their lowest — Haruna lamenting that her life is not where she wants it to be, and Dr. Wada questioning whether he did the right thing in helping trans women in the aftermath of the death of a patient — and her rallying Dr. Wada and herself is so moving that I have no doubt that it will be clipped on YouTube very soon, if it hasn’t been already.
Our deuteragonist, Dr. Wada, is also a wonder to behold. One can understand the frustration of someone who wants to do good and help people, even though society (and even, sometimes, his own patients) are against him, and the sudden joy that he finds something only he can do to help. At the same time, one can lament how, driven by compassion, he threw himself so wholeheartedly into his work that it became detrimental to his health.
The emphasis on music throughout the film was very well-realized, in our opinion. The diagetic performances were excellent, but there were sequences that were very reminiscent of 500 Days of Summer that really elevated the film — especially the first such sequence when Haruna goes into public in women’s clothing for the first time.
Performance and Music
消息来源Netflix
This section will be brief because there isn’t much to say. Haruki Mochizuki utterly shines in their performance as Haruna, embodying not only the determined but troubled youth in “boy mode,” but also the confident woman. At every stage of the film, Mochizuki makes it very easy to understand how Haruna is feeling: they are portraying someone who wears their heart on their sleeve, and the portrayal is pitch-perfect.
Takumi Saito as Dr. Wada, while not quite so much of a revelation (given Saito’s previous high-profile hits) is also extremely strong. The vexation that Dr. Wada feels when trying so hard to help people, but being unable to do so to his satisfaction, comes through so clearly at the start. As does his anger when, once he finally finds his calling, he is hounded by others for the work that he is doing that elevates the work of a surgeon: he is not just keeping hearts beating, he is giving them a new, authentic life.
The other cast members are also very impressive. Kaito Yoshimura impressed me as Takuya, a kind-hearted guy who, through no fault of his own, gets the short of the stick. Haruna’s drag mother, Aki, also exemplifies a learned cynicism that fits her role and the actor perfectly. Tae Kimura also gives a bravura performance as Haruna’s mother. All in all, there’s very little to find fault with here.
The music, as one might imagine, is superb. A little retro, given the time periods being represented, but if you’re into Japanese idol music (and excellent dance routines) then you absolutely must see this film.
结论
Of course, no film is perfect. I did question the tone of a scene towards the end, and there were perhaps some moments that, even for me, were a touch overwrought. But overall, 这就是我 is an easy recommendation. A fantastically performed biopic with incredible music numbers and a moving story, it is a beacon of hope in a time when transgender rights are under threat across the world.
In particular, at one point in the film, Dr. Wada, defending his role as a doctor performing gender affirmation surgery against a hostile authority, says that doctors “have existed since the dawn of humanity. We’ve existed beyond nations, and beyond laws. So we will not bow down to you.” This is a feeling that I’m sure our trans siblings can identify with readily.
