Japan’s Lesbian Culture
Are you a lesbian coming to Japan for the first time? Maybe you’re one already living here who wants to start dating, or to meet more lesbian friends. Whatever the case may be, I hope this article will help you learn a little about the ins and outs of lesbian dating in Japan, places to meet other lesbians, and more about the Japanese attitude towards lesbians.
You’ve probably heard some rumors from people abroad about what LGBTQ+ life in Japan is really like. In my experience, some of these rumors are true, and others aren’t. So, if you want to get more of an inside scoop about queer life in Japan, and specifically lesbian life here, keep reading. In addition, if you want to learn more about various queer identities in Japan, check out the other articles on JGG’s website!
Where to Meet Other Lesbians in Japan
There are a variety of places to meet lesbians in Japan. Even in more rural areas, there are ways to connect online such as through dating apps or social media groups. I’ll outline a few of the most popular ways to meet other gay women below.
Lesbian Dating Apps
Japan actually has a lot to offer when it comes to lesbian dating apps. If you’re looking for places to meet other English-speakers, HER, a dating app meant for queer women, is a great choice! This app is available in Japan as well as in other countries, so you’ll expect to find a mix of English and Japanese speakers on here.
OkCupid also allows you to set your preferences to other women. Although it’s not solely dedicated to lesbian dating, it will have a higher concentration of English speakers than many Japanese lesbian dating apps.
There are also many popular Japanese lesbian dating apps, such as LBT Chat, LING, and LMap, if your Japanese language skills are proficient enough to try them out.
Lesbian Bars
Lesbian bars are one of the best places to meet other lesbians in your city in Japan. Although you’ll probably have to go to a big city to find one, once you’re there, you’ll instantly have access to a tight-knit lesbian community. Lesbian bars in Tokyo are usually not very large, and have a bar area and maybe a small dance floor – so don’t expect a huge club where you can’t hear anyone else talking. Generally, expect a more intimate space where both dating and looking for friends is totally okay. Bartenders at lesbian bars in Japan are usually very friendly and down to earth, and often speak English as well as Japanese, though this isn’t always the case.
Some of the lesbian bars in Tokyo well-known for having a more energetic, party atmosphere are Gold Finger and Adezakura.
While lesbian bars with a quieter vibe such as Tamago and Dorobune are also a great choice.
For more lesbian bars in Tokyo, check out this article.
Lesbian Social Media Groups
For those living outside of a major city in Japan, another handy resource might be social media groups for lesbians, queer women, or LGBTQ+ individuals living in Japan. Surely, there are groups both aimed towards English speakers and towards Japanese speakers, so do a little research to find out which one is the best choice for you.
One group that I found is a Facebook group called Stonewall Japan, which welcomes queer people of all identities living in Japan, including many queer women and fellow lesbian Japan enthusiasts. It’s also a group that mostly consists of English speakers, so this will be convenient!
Lesbian Cafes
If you’re looking for lesbian spaces with a bit more of a chill vibe than most bars and clubs, lesbian/women-only cafes might be the right choice for you. Although Dorobune was also mentioned in the bars category, since it doubles as a restaurant that serves delicious homemade meals, I’ll also include it here.
In addition, Anchor is a “yuri cafe”, or a cafe that specializes in erotic lesbian manga, located in Shinjuku Nichome, Tokyo’s gay district. If you want to come here to sip a coffee and read some steamy manga without judgment, why not check it out?
Lesbian Dating Life in Japan
Revealing Your Identity
You may have heard that queer people in Japan often keep their identity a secret, or only tell a handful of people they can trust. In my experience, this is true, but this doesn’t mean that Japan is a hateful society in which everyone will have a problem with your sexual identity.
Big cities in Japan like Tokyo and Osaka tend to have the highest number of lesbian-oriented spaces such as lesbian bars and parties. Therefore, the highest number of out and proud lesbians in Japan are probably in the big cities. Many cities in Japan have such a large number of people, that you can pretty-much find any community that you want there, and, on top of that, most people in big cities are just too busy to care about your personal life or to judge you in any way. So, this gives you an advantage as a lesbian, since you’re pretty much guaranteed to find like-minded people in a large Japanese city.
Small towns in Japan are a bit different, though. You’re not likely to find any lesbian bars in a small town, and if there is a lesbian event, it will probably be held in the closest big city, so you’ll have to travel a couple hours to attend.
However, I don’t want you to get the impression that people in small Japanese towns are particularly hateful of LGBTQ+ people. Since Japan doesn’t happen to have the Christian background that many Western countries do, there aren’t a large contingent of conservative Christians who have an aversion to queer people the way that there sometimes are in the West. Most likely, people in a small Japanese town will either not care about your sexuality, not fully understand it, or if they do have a negative opinion of it, keep it to themselves as not to lose face.
This is only what I’ve seen from my experience, but as far as I can tell, you shouldn’t have any major issues being an open lesbian in a small town in Japan, even if you won’t be able to find many lesbian-centric spaces there.
Top and Bottom (Tachi and Neko)
In Japan, a “top” (a woman who takes the lead during intimacy) is called a “tachi”, literally translating to “to stand”. And a “bottom” (a woman who takes a passive role in intimate encounters) is called a “neko”, literally translating to “cat”. I’m not exactly sure why she is called a cat, but it must culturally make sense in some way or another.
In the lesbian community in Japan, these “tachi” and “neko” roles are still pretty strictly adhered to, and most often, a lesbian couple consists of one tachi and one neko. There are even instances when a tachi and a neko hanging out with each other merely as friends can be considered cheating if one or both of them have partners.
However, don’t let it get you down if you don’t fully adhere to the “tachi” or “neko” label. Since you’re presumably non-Japanese if you’re reading this article, keep in mind that these roles are not as heavily enforced when it comes to foreigners as they are with native Japanese people. And, even if you are Japanese, there is a relatively new lesbian identity, “chuusei”, that is becoming more popular. This refers to a lesbian who’s not particularly inclined in either direction of dominance or submission.
Following Japanese Etiquette
Since Japan is still largely a socially conservative country, I don’t want to make it seem like being LGBTQ+ in Japan is entirely easy. Often, gay and lesbian people in Japan don’t come out to their parents until they’ve found a long-term partner that they intend to live together with, lest their identity not be perceived as “serious”. However, the same can be said for straight couples in Japan, who often don’t introduce their partner to their parents until they know they intend on marrying them.
In addition, since many people in Japan may not fully understand LGBTQ+ people, there is still a high percentage of people here who keep their queer relationship a secret. However, this doesn’t mean you have to. Especially in circles of friends that comprise primarily of foreigners, you should have no problem being open about your lesbian relationship.
If you’re interested in reading about lesbian bar manners, read the article below.
Lesbian Marriage in Japan
Unfortunately, one of the biggest hurdles that Japan has yet to overcome is that it has not yet legalized same-sex marriage. Although there are many activists advocating for legalization, and a survey conducted by Hiroshima Shudo University revealed that 64.8% of Japanese people surveyed were in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage, marriage equality has still not become a reality in Japan. This has led to many instances of one member of a same-sex couple legally adopting the other, so that the couple can have hospital visitation rights and other privileges afforded to immediate family.
However, a variety of local municipalities in Japan, including many wards of Tokyo, have recognized same-sex unions as legal using a local certificate system. Unfortunately, however, these unions do not carry the full set of rights that heterosexual marriage carries, and they are generally not recognized outside of the city or ward that issued them.
Conservative marriage laws are one of the reasons why Japan is not 100% LGBTQ+ friendly, and also why it will be harder to settle down with a same-sex partner and start a family here. It very well may change in the future, but for now, this is the state of same-sex marriage rights in Japan.
Is Japan Lesbian Friendly?
The answer to this question is honestly mixed. Depending on the area you’re in and the people you’re talking to, you’re bound to get different reactions to revealing your lesbian identity. But, you generally don’t need to worry about anyone being openly hostile to you, and you can always find fellow lesbians living in Japan through a variety of groups and communities.
So, don’t give up hope just yet about finding a strong and long-lasting lesbian community in Japan. It’s definitely possible, since many who came before you have already done it!
